George W. Bush: The After-Life

Lame-Duck, My Ass
One often wonders what is going through the mind of a US President in the weeks leading up to the of his reign as one of the most powerful people in the world. The major news media will run a plethora of stories over the next few weeks with catchy little titles, such as "George W. Bush: The Final Days," or "How Will George W. Bush Be Remembered?" or even, "Adios, Cowboy!" These less-than articulately written articles will fall far short in their attempts to predict the thoughts, feelings, and future of President George W. Bush. Trust me.

So what makes this entry so much more profound and newsworthy than the drivel that will spin from the mouths of the national media like a dreidel on the first day of Hanukkah? Well my friends, I am about to expose more than just the future of W, I am prepared to show you exactly what he has been doing for much of the last 30 years of his life!

Get ready...this is going to be freakier than the time that Farrah Fawcett decided that painting her naked 50 year old body and rolling around on canvas might be something that teenage boys, dirtbag truckers, and seedy business executives would enjoy seeing in their monthly edition of Playboy.

Ok...here is goes. GWB is a Mexican Warlock.

Look at the picture again. That is good ol' W...in the flesh. Apparently, he has been using the alias Professor Antonio Vasquez Alba and has been moon-lighting as a warlock for the past 30 years! Don't believe me? Read this article for yourself....I think it will explain a few things about the last 8 years.

Let's review...

Sometime around 1980, Bush began dressing as a Mexican Grand Warlock and making hilarious predictions about world events. Does this seem possible? Could he really run a secret double life? I think the evidence established during his presidency presents a pretty compelling case.

A few fun examples for proof:

1. In January of 2008, Warlock Bush predicted that Hilary Clinton would be the next US President. In November of 2008, President Bush chuckles about his prediction, thinking, "That was a good one....a woman president. Ha!"
2. In January of 2009, Warlock Bush predicts that US troops will leave Iraq and take up stations on the US/Mexico border in an effort to stretch the US boundaries. In January of 2009, President Bush laughs, wondering, "Is that too easy of a prediction? Didn't I set Obama up to get the troops out of Iraq? Also...I really want a bigger ranch in Crawford, so want not take part of Mexico. I bet I could even get some cheap labor that way!"
3. And, finally, In January 2007, Warlock Bush predicted that the Cubs would win the World Series. In October of 2007, President Bush watches the last game of the World Series with a grin, saying, "Aren't those Cubs fans cute?!"

This whole warlock thing is actually quite genius for Bush. He can be terrible at the job, and his amigos in Mayan country still believe him because he is a self-proclaimed grand warlock! Additionally, he can slightly improve his standing in America because he can always say, "Look, at least I am not some crazy, paranoid, sooth-sayer in Mexico wearing a fake beard making people believe that I know what I am talking about. Look folks, when I make predictions, I actually believe that I have a chance of being right!" And with that, he is given a free pass.

I genuinely look forward to the next twenty years when we see articles like "GWB: Where is he now?" Luckily, we all know where he is, what he is doing, and why having a sense of humor is more important than being good at your job.