Ar-Kansas: America's Canada

You know how when you were in school there always seemed to be that one kid that tried really hard to be cool, but no matter what the kid did, said kid still ended up being laughed at until, picked on, or otherwise ridiculed? In an international sense, we call that kid Canada. In a national sense, we call that kid Arkansas.

Never mind that I am already a little irritated at Arkansas for bringing us the likes of Bill Clinton and Mike Huckabee, or that they are on the verge of relocating my best friend to the beautiful redneck getaway of Bentonville, or that Razorback fans think that Michigan fans give a damn that Ryan "My Head is Bigger than Charlie Weis' Waistline" Mallett transferred to their school. Those things are mere annoyances about the cute little kid named Arkansas that I am willing to look beyond, mostly because Arkansas is still so much fun to laugh at that I really can't get too mad at them for anything. You see, if you get too mad at that kid, they will stop trying to be part of the cool crowd, realize their place, and eventually buy black trench coats and go Columbine (too soon?) on all our asses. As Americans, we want to keep Arkansas right where they are...nestled deep within the bowels of America, close enough to civilization that they still believe in themselves, and given the occasional recognition, only to have it ripped away at a moments notice by their next surprising act of stupidity.

So where is this rant going? Check out this article.

Cute little Ar-Kansas was duped into believing that the Four States Fair Grounds in Texarkana would be host to cage fighting whilst sipping away at $1 Milwaukee's Best Lights. Instead, Sacha Baron Cohen decided that the good ol' boys in the solid south might get a little laugh if instead of wrestling a la Chuck Liddell or Tito Ortiz, the men in the ring would begin a make-out session that would make Britney Spears and Madonna blush. You can only imagine the reaction.

According to the article:

An elaborate array of mounted and handheld video cameras caught the crowd of 1,600's reaction as the two men "went right up to the line" of the city's morality laws, Holland said. The two men stripped down to their underwear, kissed and rubbed on each other, the sergeant said.

The audience, as well as local fighters drawn to take part in the show, became enraged. "It set the crowd off lobbing beers," Holland said. "They had beers in plastic cups. Those things can get some distance on them actually."

A couple of things...

1. Arkansas has morality laws?
2. Folks in Arkansas are willing to waste a beer on a couple of kissing men?
3. The reaction is not about the drunken, homophobic, beer bombardiers, but rather amazement at the distance traveled by plastic cups?

You see what I mean...you can't help but chuckle at little ol' Arkansas.

Thanks for keeping it real down there. Now, if you could only work on adapting your state motto from "Regnat Populus" (the people rule), to something a little more appropriate like "Populus es Fossor".