Everybody Moved to the Back of the Bus

Apparently, what happens in Vegas only stays in Vegas unless it is so completely filled with ridiculousness and hilarity that it absolutely must make its way to the blogosphere.

According to a story in the Las Vegas Review Journal, a naked man hijacked a Citizens Area Transit Bus on Tuesday. 35 year-0ld Charles P. Sell is the bare naked bandit who made his way on to the bus and into criminal lore during his 200 yards of fame.

This is truly a great story. No Clothes Charlie "was possibly on drugs" according to police and only boarded the bus after first stopping at the nearby 7-11 to steal a bottle of beer. Possibly on drugs? Let's look at the definition of "possibly":

1. Capable of happening, existing, or being true without contradicting proven facts, laws, or circumstances.
2. Capable of occurring or being done without offense to character, nature, or custom.
3. Capable of favorable development; potential: a possible site for the new capital.
4. Of uncertain likelihood.

Ok, ok...so I guess there could be contradicting proven facts that state that CP Sell-your-clothes was not on drugs. I guess we are not 100% certain that Charles "P is for Pantless" Sell was on some sort of drug. I guess the potential exists that No Shirt, No Pant, No Problem was not under the influence of anything more than stupidity.

HOWEVA...this is probably a case where police can go out on a limb and release the following statement:

"Dude was straight trippin'," police said. "Charlie was higher than Fat Albert's blood pressure after wrestling a burger away from Mushmouth. He had more drugs in his system than Paris Hilton has STD's."

I like that better.

Another puzzling aspect of the story are the criminal charges applied to Chuck. The charges include felony charges of robbery, grand larceny and malicious destruction of private property.

Nothing about indecent exposure? If any of you have ever had the pleasure of relying on public transportation, you know that in just 200 yards, this bus bounced more than than a 25-cent bouncy ball in a classroom full of kindergartners. That said, the idea that Commando Charlie was not charged with indecently exposing his middle initial is stunning.

I always like to try to think of an appropriate sentence for criminals like Buck naked Chuck. This one's easy: send him and his birthday suit to prison for a few days. I would bet that after a couple days in the slammer, he will like the idea of wearing a pair of pants...or maybe even two pair, just an insurance.