Is That a Brick in Your Diaper, or...

I came across a story from a few weeks ago, and even though I am not generally in the business of sharing old news, this was simply too good to pass up. By the way, if you are wondering what business I am generally in, my line of work is the field of being awesome.

Any who...the story is here...for you non-linky folks, the story is about a man who was arrested after police found heroin in his diaper. Apparently, Frank Keys Jr. (no-relation to Alicia Keys) of New Orleans, LA was pulled over for a routine traffic violation when police found over 20 grams of heroin in the diaper that he was wearing. Just wait my friends, this gets better...

So when Dr. Depends was pulled over and searched by the police, according to a news release from the US Attorney's office:

"officers felt a large hard object in the pants area on Keys"

Honestly? That was the direct line from a press release from the office of the United States Attorney. Methinks an intern was assigned an easy task and decided to have a little fun. A large hard object. Not sure about you, but I would definitely assume the object to be heroin, and not, oh, let's say a more common drug like, maybe, viagra.

When Huggies-Bear was asked if there was anything in the diaper, he "shook his head affirmatively." For the record, if a police officer ever notices a large hard object in my diaper, I'm quite sure I would also claim responsibility for having something in my pants.

In the end, Frank "The Heroin Diaper Tank" Keys received 40 years in prison for his little, er, sorry, large hard stunt. I'm still waiting for word on the heroin. One can only hope that it is somehow smuggled into prison and used by Frank's new friends. Frank may drop his soap in the shower, but at least he isn't using diaper heroin like the guys coming after him.

Good times.