He's No Bonnie and Clyde
I have a friend who once lived in Stow, Ohio. Despite being in the heart of America's armpit, Stow was a pretty decent town. I remember fondly taking trips to the local Sheetz convenience store, and giggling like a kid on nitrous, thinking how hilarious it is that a local gas station was really named Sheetz. The people in Stow were fairly normal people, and were less threatening than a house cat in a room full of pit bulls. I remember thinking, "Boy these people in Stow sure are normal. If not for the natural stench of Columbus, I could actually live here!"
All of this has changed my friends. Stow has become as a city with a lower IQ than Andy Katzenmoyer after a couple of weeks of rehab. Thanks to this guy, Stow now has the distinct honor of being home to one of the world's dumbest criminals.
According to the article, 24 year-old Feliks Goldshtein walked into a bank, filed into a line, pulled on a ski mask, and waited his turn in line before attempting to rob the place. When he finally made it to the front of the line, the teller politely asked him to remove the mask, as which point he pulled out a fake gun.
Are you serious, Feliks? You spend hours working up the courage to perfect the perfect crime that you presumabley spent some time crafting, and your plan is to wait in line with a mask on and a toy gun in your holster? You are about as creative as the brain-children behind naming the professional basketball team in Oklahoma City the "Thunder". Did you really believe that your plan was going to work?
Felik would have been better off renting 50 different bank-robbery movies and trying to copy a tired plot. Actually, Felik would have been better off calling the police ahead of time and telling them his plan....at least that would have saved a brief car chase and a few scared patrons of the bank.
I really enjoy dumb criminal stories. Personally, I have been crafting the perfect crime in my brain for the last five years. It involves goldfish, a conversion van, and 13 Nick Nolte look-a-likes. I can't wait for the right opportunity...
So loyal readers...what is your perfect crime? Please tell me that it does not involve announcing your crime before it is committed and then trying to commit it while holding onto a weapon that that is meant to attach to a GI Joe doll.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
A little bit of everything about a little bit of everything.
Kiddies College Fund
Custom Search
F.A.R.
For those of you who have ever been overrated, underrated, or not rated at all...this one's for you. We here at Fairly Accurately Rated hope to be just that. Want proof? The name itself is nothing too special, but still a notch above ordinary...in other words, fairly accurately rated. If you don't expect too much, you won't be disappointed with the results. Sounds like a good motto to me...
About Michael
I believe blogging can make a difference, make a change, make amends, and make a save. Blogging can save the trees, save the children, save a dollar, save me, save you, and save face. Blogging can face the nation, face front, face a deficit, face the music, and face the facts without being factual. Blogging can do all of these things or it can do nothing. Either way, enjoy the show.
Watch Me!
Technical Glitch of the Day...or Week
I recently received a home theatre, but I know nothing about programming it with my existing television, dvd, etc. Anything specific that I should know?
2 comments:
Ben Curtis is disappointed in the stain this puts on his hometown. I used to go to that bank. Don't forget that Stow was where the 2 to 1 bet originated, where we had to root for Iowa to beat Wisconsin so we could go to the Rose Bowl, and where we watched the Ron Artest incident.
Perfect crime: The city of Stow hiring a moron to rob a bank in a such a hilariously inept way that it causes national new wires to pick up the story. This puts Stow in the national news and attracts people to live there because the only criminals in town are as dangerous as a de-clawed kitten fight in a pillow warehouse.
Post a Comment