Reason #46782
For as long as I can remember, I have always hated birds. They are unpredictable, they have sharp beaks, and despite commonly flying in a group, I imagine them to be quite anti-social. I am not frightened by the movie Birds, as I have the acute ability to separate fiction from reality; however, I am generally frightened by swooping feather-balls that torment me whenever I am outside. I once had my hand nearly torn off (read: I had a couple of cuts and a scar) by a ravenous seagull (question: can you use one bird to describe another?) who was trying to eat a piece of fish out of my hand. I hate birds.
While doing a bit of channel-surfing today, I stopped on MSNBC which was showing live coverage of a plane that crashed into the Hudson River while traveling from NYC to North Carolina. I was intrigued and immediately thought the worst...terrorism.
A few minutes later, I was stunned to learn that my fears had been confirmed.
Our nation was under attack from a gaggle of menacing geese. Filthy sons-of-bitches.
I listened to the broadcast as the announcer literally made the following statement, "These were big birds, Canadian Geese! They could definitely take down a plane!" Apparently the plane ran into a large flock of Canadian Geese and the pilot determined that it had to make an immediate landing in the Hudson River because it was unable to stabilize the plane.
Damn you, Canada! I usually defend Canada because I like their national anthem more than I like our own....HOWEVA, their decision to send a troop of flying terrorist geese at an American plane has made me see them in a new light. Couldn't they just be satisfied with their role as America Jr.? Why did they have to recruit their birds to take down ours?
I hate birds. I hate terrorists. I reeeeeaaaalllly hate terrorist birds.
Sidenote
Is anyone else a little concerned that a massive f'n jet plane cannot fly through a gaggle of geese?
Sidenote 2
If you don't believe that these geese are terrorists, why in the name of the queen did they not get the hell out of the way of a giant f'n plane? Seriously?
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
A little bit of everything about a little bit of everything.
Kiddies College Fund
Custom Search
F.A.R.
For those of you who have ever been overrated, underrated, or not rated at all...this one's for you. We here at Fairly Accurately Rated hope to be just that. Want proof? The name itself is nothing too special, but still a notch above ordinary...in other words, fairly accurately rated. If you don't expect too much, you won't be disappointed with the results. Sounds like a good motto to me...
About Michael
I believe blogging can make a difference, make a change, make amends, and make a save. Blogging can save the trees, save the children, save a dollar, save me, save you, and save face. Blogging can face the nation, face front, face a deficit, face the music, and face the facts without being factual. Blogging can do all of these things or it can do nothing. Either way, enjoy the show.
Watch Me!
Technical Glitch of the Day...or Week
I recently received a home theatre, but I know nothing about programming it with my existing television, dvd, etc. Anything specific that I should know?
3 comments:
This is by far the best blog ever written. It combines two very strong feelings I share with you... my hatred for birds and Canada. I could not have written anything better myself to sum up this tragedy.
I mean really... these geese must have been sent by the mountie horse cops to get us. You know how those animal types stick together.
Thanks for making my day, and remember, my heart will go on!
Bet you wish that Canadian flag wasn't flying at your wedding now.
I think the solution to this problem is to start throwing those plastic six pack rings all over the place. I understand that is the bird equivalent to waterboarding.
I think Jim is right. Who has time to cut those rings anyway. And I also believe we should start throwing rice at weddings again. So what if this blows up a few birds because they are unable to digest it properly, at least it is more attractive then throwing bird seed. Who wants black sunflower seeds and tiny pieces of corn stuck on them when they are dressed up anyway?
Post a Comment