Odds, Ends, and Observations

Welcome Back: Having just returned from a two-week stay in glorious South Africa, I'm sure that I need to mend some relationships with my loyal readers. I know that many of you have been hitting F5 for the last two weeks, hoping and praying that you would find an entry by yours truly. Finally, the good ol' days are back! Well, kind of back...I lost power at home yesterday and it looks like it won't be back for a couple of days. Damn you rain! But still, for the most part, I am back. For you, this means much more reading pleasure, wasted work time, and overall excitement in your life. For me, this means adjusting to the Eastern time zone, finding more stories that are blog-worthy, and praying everyday that I did not contract malaria from the pesky mosquitoes in Mpumalanga, South Africa.

Today, I return with a few short items. Tomorrow, hopefully a good story will cross my path.

Africans Do Not Love Low-Riders: One of the quirky observations that I return with from my time in SA involves the topic of toilets. Fun, I know; however, not so fun when you consider the following: South African toilets are, on average, about 4 inches higher off the ground than American toilets. At first glance, this does not seem like a big deal....BUT, the next time you have to take a seat on a patio of porcelain, try to do so while hovering 12cm higher. Without being too graphic and grotesque, this process puts a completely different strain on your body. Consequently, I do not think that I had regular "business meetings with John" for the last two weeks.

A few additional pieces of lavatory lore... in most South African bathrooms (public and private) there are two rolls of toilet paper, one located on each side of the toilet. Evidently, they cater to the ambidextrous. Said paper also always contains pictures of dogs. By day 4 I found myself longing for the soft little teddy bears or floral designs of the land of the free. No matter how many different water closets I tested, I was always met by man's best friend. As if that is not bizarre enough, perhaps the strangest part of SA toilets (aside from the fact that they do not call bathrooms bathrooms, but rather just toilets) is the fact that a standard toilet bowl has very little water inside and the toilet itself has not one, but two flushing options! That's right...in SA you can choose if you want to flush just a little, or flush a lot. With the touch of a button on the top of the john, you can determine how much of your waste should be flushed away. If anyone knows of a reason that you would only want a small flush, please let me know. As a matter of record, small flushes failed 100% of the time in my clinical trials.

Want to Become a Billionaire?: During my travels, I read and heard that the US dollar is still strong in some places in the world. In South Africa, $1 US is worth $7.5 SA Rand. Awesome exchange, right? Yeah, it's pretty good, unless you consider the crazy, unbelievable exchange rate in Zimbabwe. I actually had to look this up several times to confirm, but as of today, 1 US dollar is the equivalent of over 13 BILLION Zimbabwean dollars. This is completely true. Don't believe me? Check this out. I talked to a guy who ordered pizza in Zimbabwe and the bill was 260 billion dollars! Anyone want to join me on a little trip to Zimbabwe? I'm thinking I can take pennies, make it rain, and be considered the savior of the nation. Crazy.

Finally...: Thanks to those of you who attended my recent wedding. While I generally do not use this blog to talk about my personal life, I will break that rule today to let you all know that the wedding was absolutely wonderful! Thanks for the great laughs, gifts, and for being great people.

I guess that's all for today. I'm sure I'll think of much more to write very soon. If not, I'll plagiarize.