I report this story today with a tear in my eye and a pain in my lower region.
As the story goes, two men decided that because their friend was PTFO'd, they would splash his private parts with cologne and set the man on fire. Those crazy kids in San Luis Obispo, California are now facing jail time, and the literal "fire-crotch" is facing scorched testicles.
When the victim was reached by FAR for comment, he questioned, "What the hell was I doing drinking near LA?"
It seems somewhat curious that the drunken man with the crotch of the heat-mizer would not notice that his friends took his pants and underwear off of him, covered his manhood in cologne, and set his unit on fire. Was he already naked? If so, why? What kind of party was this? Maybe a few more details would be helpful...
In details that were not previously released to the press, the three friends had spent the night boozing (ok, so that word was used in the article, but it is such a perfect phrase, I couldn't resist) while playing the classic video game NBA Jams. As the night progressed, the victim continued to brag to his friends saying, "I'm heating up! I'm on fire!" The two fire-starters had a anger burning inside them throughout the night and when hot pants finally passed out, they decided to make fiction mimic reality. Grabbing a nearby bottle of Sex Panther cologne, they doused their friend in the junk, set him ablaze, and yelled, "Who's on fire now, biatch?!"
As I mentioned, the perps received jail time, but I feel like they still get the last laugh. Ol' burnt balls has to live with his pain...forever.
What would be a proper punishment for these guys? I'll make one suggestion, but I would also love to hear your ideas...
My idea? Make the guys wear shirts everyday that say "I light men's penises on fire...for fun." With the shirts on, the men would first have to survive their jail sentence and then work for a professional sports team as a shower attendant. I would bet that the men in the locker room wouldn't take to kindly to a couple of guys watching them shower while trying to size up their next victim.
Leave your ideas in the comments...
P.S. A follow up to the story about the city in New Mexico being for sale, it did sell at auction last week. The price? $1.55 million.
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3 comments:
I honestly don't know how you can punish an act like this. To legally reprimand these youngsters is only another step in the direction of a society where morality and religious belief dictates law. these fellas were just trying to express themselves in a hilarious way. Should people really be punished for self expression? I'm almost sure the constitution says something about that not being cool. Maybe someone just needs to sit them down and tell them, 'look, when you get into the whiskeys anything can happen. todd will try to get you to play tricks, and that's ok, but just understand that if you play a really mean trick (no matter how funny it is) jerks will whine about it and try to get you in trouble. so try not to do that again too many times, ok? thanks, tiger. boys will be boys and the such, now go clean your room, skipper, and warsh up for dinner, your mother made meatloaf.'. that's what i would say. know what i'm sayin?
MOM! THE MEATLOAF! F*CK!
i think the shirts should say "I turn men into flamers"
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