Five bonus points awarded to anyone who read the subject line of this post and answered, "No, it's Iowa." To receive your prize, simply click on the ad link on the lower left side of this blog...you may have to click a few times to get your prize.
Anyway...Iowa is the topic of today's post, albeit for all the wrong reasons.
A friend from Iowa emailed me a story about a recent football recruit for the Iowa football team and his off-season "training" program. Here's the story.
In said story, future Hawkeye Riley Reiff led police on a high-speed game of freeze tag...while he was intoxicated...disoriented...and, naked. Riley, Riley, Riley. How many times has your mother told you that you must wear pants when drinking and running?!?
You remember the commercials about quitting smoking? You know, the one where the person is having a hard time remembering how to do simple tasks without a cigarette? Riley reminds me a lot of that commercial. My best guess is that Riley is having trouble kicking the habit, so he simple forgot that he is supposed to wear clothes in public, jog sober, stop for police, and all of the other little things that normal people know.
On a related note, Iowa may have lost a very good football player. Honestly...this defensive lineman outran the police for 20 MINUTES! I don't know if I am more impressed at the athleticism of the drunk or the lack of athleticism of the police force. Eight cops couldn't round up one drunk officer in 20 minutes? Isn't this sorta like what the red and blue do in Iowa to become police officers? Of course, in their training they practice rounding up livestock, but really...8 vs. 1. Twenty minutes.
The football program in Iowa has really been quite stellar lately. In addition to rivaling the recent success of Notre Dame over the past 3 seasons, Iowa has had more legal trouble than Jay-Z has problems (99 if you are counting...). Over fifteen members of the football team have been in some sort of delinquency; at least six have been kicked off the team. There's an old joke about their situation that goes something like this:
A woman in Iowa City calls the police. "Officer," she says, "You have to help me. Someone is breaking into my house!" The officer replies, "I'm sorry ma'am. We are a little busy right now. If you could just write down his jersey number, we'll get back to you in the morning."
So great job, Iowa. Instead of being that quiet little state in the middle of the country that no one really gives a damn about, you are going and making a name for yourselves. Remember, not all attention is good attention.
I'm sure there is much more to say on this story, but I'll let you all take care of it in the comments...
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2 comments:
Before too long, this lack of discipline at Iowa is going to hit big time. Just this weekend, a rape victim's mother wrote a letter to the paper about a potential athletic dept. cover up of the rape. Ferentz is on thin ice here now. If this were another big program it would've broke already. Anyway, I've been getting a lot of mileage out of asking when they are going to start selling orange jumpsuits with the iowa logo on them and calling them the Iowa Buckeyes
what the hell else are people supposed to do in iowa? you can't blame a fella for sheer resourcefulness. he looked at his situation of boredom, saw his situation ain't improvin', and looked to better his situation with booze and hi-jinks. that is pure american ingenuity if you ask me, this man should be saluted! editors note: please do not look at this post as a full out attack on iowa. if lived in iowa it would be awesome, because i am lucky enough to know the boss and first lady so we would always hang out and it would be lottsa fun, but i can sympathize with someone who needs to make their own fun as a lack of personal affiliation with the royal couple.
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