Again, I swear I do not go searching for news of the bizarre...it just seems to find me.
Check this out out...
I have heard of having skeletons in your closet, but never have I heard of having living people in your closet! This of course got me to thinking on a few different levels.
First, thank God for his plan with creation. The brilliance behind creating a race of people small enough to live in a closet, complete with a mattress is downright Jonathan Swift-esque. The lilliputian in this story decided that she was small enough not only to hide in a closet, but that she could throw in a mattress and stay for a year! Certainly a similar feat could not be accomplished by Americans, at least not those who coach at a certain school in South Bend. An American trying to fit onto the shelf in an closet is about as absurd as a cheese filtered cigarette--wait, you mean that really exists?!? Nevermind...bottomline, hooray for tiny closet living Japanese women.
Second, how sweet must this closet really be? While many people choose to live in the proverbial closet for years, very few people find a real closet as an acceptable place to live for an extended period of time. I'm thinking there are probably sweet flat screens on the ceiling, sushi dispensers in the walls, and maybe even lickable candy walls like in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. If the closet is not equipped with these features, then this woman is off her rocker. If it does come complete with the sweetness trifecta, we are all off our rockers for not having our own magical closet.
Finally, how in the name of Creepy Bojangles can someone live in your house for a year without you having the slightest idea? And, once you do notice, how is it that the lack of food was the tipping point? Evidently this closet was not opened for a year. Also, wouldn't you first check every place in your house before installing cameras that send images to your mobile phone? While the creepy closet lady deserves some sort of punsihment, I think the homeowner has some liability as well. Is stupidity a crime?
I like this story. I really enjoyed reading, laughing, re-reading, and finally stereotyping the people involved. It makes me feel better about myself. Now if you will excuse me, I have heard this strange noise in my trunk for about a week since I let Ted Kennedy borrow my car. Also, my sister is missing. Too soon?
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3 comments:
i beginning to think charlie weis is going to make his way into every post you write
if he keeps eating he is going to make his way across the continental united states using his belt.
this story is as creepy as creepy bill jesus himself, and that speaks volumes. i had a dream like this once, except instead of a person hiding in my closet, it was a BK quad stacker, and instead of it being in my closet it was in my hands along with some chik'n fries. my dream may have been more awesomer, but oddly enough less realistic, as there was a lady in a closet and i do not have giant hamburger and deep fried poultry sticks in my hand. i did, however, eat pf changs for lunch, and it was de-lish. know what i'm sayin'?
<3
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