a real life panty raid

Sometimes a news story crosses my path that needs very little commentary, but deserves so much more discussion. If I hadn't read this story from several credible sources, there is no way I would have believed it...honestly this is a great one.

Now that you have checked the link, let's review. A pair of thieves in Colorado are on the loose after robbing a convenience store wearing women's thongs as masks. After smashing through the store front windows, the men stole cash and cigarettes.

Seriously, you can't make this up in your wildest dreams!

So these crotch-sniffing bandits rob a convenience store at 5am and decide to steal the little bit of cash available and cigarettes?!? How in the name of Joe Camel are you going to smoke a cigarette with a v-cut covering your mouth and nose? Did they even consider their own foolishness? If they had at least considered men's briefs they would have an access hole from which to smoke. Oh, the mindless haste!

Back to the article, check out this quote from Police Spokeswomen Susan Medina:
"There's a plethora of disguises out there: ski masks, character costumes," Medina said. "And, if you're going to wear underwear, certainly there are other kinds that would give you a little more coverage."
Alright, Susie...

When contacted for a comment, the main concern of the police was the coverage of thongs? Correct me if I am wrong, ladies, but isn't the whole idea of a thong is that it provides less coverage? Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Sue. Shouldn't we be more concerned with, 1) the cleanliness of the skivvies; 2) the original owners of the man-made wedgies; or 3) the major drug use that compels one to slip on a pair of whale-tails and rob a convenience store in rural Colorado???

I'm sure that eventually these men will be captured. My only hope is that when it happens they are caught wearing two pair of g-strings and that they have to call their mothers and explain their antics. Also, if anyone can think of an appropriate punishment for the Urine Detectives, please feel free to comment. The only fitting consequence that I can come up with is having to wear their thongs to prison for a few days, but I don't feel that badly for the other prisoners.