gif me back my teefh

Usually, buried out there in the depths of cyberland--not the "over the moon" Cyberland from the musical RENT, just the internet that I have affectionately dubbed Cyberland for the purpose of this entry--anyway, throughout cyberland there are truly great stories that do not receive enough attention. I wish I could find one. Since I still haven't found what I'm looking for, today, I bring you this.

In case you aren't the type to click on links, here is the gist of the story. Women: do not have kids if you enjoy having teeth. Apparently, women who have children lose teeth at an alarming rate. According to the article, each child is worth approximately 2 teeth.

Like most bizarre news, this one has me thinking...

While I am a strong advocate for having teeth, I am also a strong advocate for having children. Oh cruel world...why do you continue to divide and conflict my loyalties?!?!? I truly do not know what to think about this. Do I continue to tell people congratulations when they announce that they are having twins? Or, do I look the mother-to-be square in the eyes and tell her that she may need to consider switching to a liquid diet because she is about to lose her ability to chew? Do I pat the dad on the back and say, "great job!"? Or, do I kick him in the pants and say, "way to go, you jerk!"? Can you sense my inner-turmoil?

As I write, I am now also wondering what happens to all of the teeth. I would bet that a small percentage of the women lose their teeth while they are sleeping. Although on the surface this may seem like a good option, and one that is less traumatic, think about the underlying horrors! Of those women, there must be some that swallow their teeth. Sure, you may not notice it going down, but at some point the pointy little bugger has to come out...again. Also, how awful would it be to wake up and have less teeth to brush?! While it may save you a few minutes in the morning, it may also cause you to look like a complete snaggley-toothed idiot the moment you walk out the door.

I still cannot figure out why I haven't noticed tooth-less women walking around, especially in the Catholic church or Irish pubs. To my knowledge, my mom still has all of her teeth, although she should be down about 4 chompers.

To all of my loyal readers, please conduct a poll over the next few days. I don't want you to embarrass anyone, so please do not come right out and ask people....instead, very creepily try to count the teeth of all of the women around you as you talk. This should be fun...

In summation, I think my next job will be a tooth collector. Sounds like it could be a lucrative business. Also, ladies, keep having kids. However, don't bother brushing your teeth...you probably won't have them for very long anyway.